The courage to put yourself first

put yourself first

Have you ever gotten to a point in life where you feel as though not much is going right? It is safe to say that most adults get to that place at least once in their lifetimes.

A few years ago, I was there myself – I had come to a cross-roads and it was either I made a change, or settled into a miserable reality. I was unhappy in my personal life, and felt stressed to the point where even my professional work was being impacted. I had to make some very important choices.

Because I was keenly aware of the fact that every choice comes with a consequence, mapping my way forward after a lot of thought became less daunting.

Here is how…

  • Ask yourself what you truly want.

Deep down, I wanted happiness. I had come to a clear realization that living in constant strife and struggle was NOT for me. I believed in my heart and soul that I had NOT been born into this world to be anything but happy. I wanted happiness and peace of mind. So I was going to choose a path whose consequence was eventually going to be ‘Peace of Mind’. And I was willing to pay the price for that.

  • Nobody can give you want you truly want…

(…and even if they try, it will never be enough unless we are at the right place, we are the right person and with the right person.)

It is easy to compromise in life… where we know that we are not in the right place, but we settle because we expect some other external condition to change so that we can become happy. You see, your happiness now depends not on you and what you do, but on that ‘other thing’ that now has the power to determine the quality of your life.

For instance, you do not like your job and absolutely detest going to work each day, but instead of doing something about it like looking for another job, you start to pray that your boss should become nicer. The years go by, your boss is who they are, they are not changing… and so you remain miserable and anxious. You see what I mean?

It happens in personal relationships as well. When an environment becomes toxic and we stay in it for one reason or the other, looking to change our partner, or hoping that they become who/how we want them to be. Our hopes are shattered year after year, the fasting and night vigils at church aren’t paying off. Why is God not answering our prayers? So we become more frustrated, angry and unhappy.

Nobody changes for us. People change for themselves. At this point, the question of the day becomes – what am I willing to do?

  • Do not be held back by fear

In my case, I was certainly concerned about many unknowns. But on the other hand, I also knew that many women and men before me have made similar decisions and come out on top! I wasn’t going to allow any type of fear get in my way of pursuing happiness.

Concerns about what people would say, of having to fit into certain religious expectations, of letting go of some “titles”, or of moving out of my comfort zone, were not about to hold me back anymore.

You see in life, we have to loss somethings in order to gain others. Expecting to eat your cake and have it is unrealistic when we are called to make difficult decisions. Change comes with sacrifice, but at the end, you will thrive and fulfill purpose.

Having questions and feeling unsure is normal when you get to a crossroads. In spite of all those trepidations I had, my life is much brighter these days – my entrepreneurial pursuits are more secure and growing, I have gained clarity and a settled mind, I am truly living life intentionally, some priorities that I had once put aside are now of primary focus, there is lots of happiness and laughter around me, and I have felt and experienced genuine love and support since.

I am now working on my third book! Yessss, I am excited about that. It is about the journey of self-love and self-care, and why we should not shy back when the time comes to put ourselves (and what matters most to us), at the center of the stage of life.

Watch my talk below for some words of Encouragement



At the end of the day, I am sure you agree that quality of life matters. May I add that love of self and others is certainly an illuminating guide through life.

Thank you so much for reading. What are you thoughts on today’s topic?



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *