Put more effort into being the right person, and the right people will be drawn into your space

Why do we put so much effort into looking for the right person, when we can just become the right person and the right people will be drawn to us?


Better person, by Lema Abeng

Let’s talk emotional maturity today on the blog. I have been consulting with quite a few people lately, helping them process the importance of working on what they can control so as to align better with purpose and their walk in life.

We have no control over other people – their actions, reactions, thoughts, or words. Neither do we even have the power to “fix” them into the “perfect” one for us. Which is something that adult human beings commonly struggle with… constantly looking for others to fit into the square pegs of our expectations.

For example, we constantly fret with loved ones over issues like:

“You did not reply to my message on time! Now make up for my hurt feelings.”

“I was expecting you to be the first person to call me on my birthday, you didn’t. What type of friend are you?”

“You hurt my feelings, apologize to me.”

“Why didn’t you stand up for me more during this morning’s meeting with the boss? You are not a good colleague.”

You should have reacted this way, that way. You shoulda, etc, etc, etc.

As you can see, most of our expectations are about that which suits us. In our minds, we leave little or no room for the other person to be themselves. Do you see a problem with such a picture?

What’s interesting is that no other person can ever give us what we want or expect at all times.

And it is worth being reminded that, we can have great friendships or relationships even if the person is not “perfect”.

On the other hand, we can become all that we want and expect, and even more. So why not lay greater emphasis on becoming a better you, so that a happier more fulfilled person that you are proud of reflects back at you when you look in the mirror?

One of life’s greatest ah-ha realizations is that: when you yourself become right, the right persons will be attracted into your space, and the wrong ones will not be able to stand being around you. This happens automatically whether at in personal relationships or in the workplace.

So what does it mean to become the right person?

  • It takes work to grow and develop into The Right Person. To become the best version of yourself and to also become what you expect others to deliver. If you expect compassion, become compassionate; if you expect availability, become available; if you expect love, become loving; if you expect communication, communicate; if you expect hard work, become hard working. You see… as you become these, these will be drawn to you! What I mean is, people with these qualities or who are on a similar journey will be attracted into your world.


  • To become the right person, you should be able to give others room to be themselves. As you become more grounded in you and more aware of strengths and your shortcomings (yes, we all have them *wink*), you will also become more accommodating of others, less critical of their shortcomings and less quick at getting upset. Our hearts don’t have to be shattered over and over again because a person chooses to be themselves. Or the world disrupted because you can’t accept the people closest to you for who they are. Acceptance does not mean that you have to put up with it. You can accept that a person/situation/thing is a certain way, and choose whether to stay in its presence or leave. Communicate yes, voice your feelings, needs, wants and expectations … yes. However, at the end of the day, all you have control over is you. You should not try to force a person into becoming what or who you want them to be. This really creates friction and and does more damage in the long run.


  • Recognize and focus in on your desires and beliefs of what you are deserving of. Tune your thoughts, prayers and meditations into those right things that you desire. The bible says in Mark 11:24, “What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” And more of it will flow your way.


  • Flow and appreciate. As you develop into the Right Person, you will find yourself becoming more patient, open and accommodating. Your focus will become on learning to appreciate and value yourself, being comfortable in your own skin, having gratitude for the little things, being thankful for your blessings, having dreams that fill your heart with passion and enthusiasm, being less judgmental and avoiding self-righteousness. You will also set boundaries and expect them to be respected. This you will attract happiness and peace. You are flowing more and stressing less.


It all boils down to the spirit that is you or in you; some call it vibrational energy that attracts and interacts. It’s about how you are feeling and how you are processing the happenings around you.

So let’s say for example, you have developed into that person with a spirit that uplifts and encourages others, you will realize that anyone who likes to degrade others feels uncomfortable around you. It happens naturally. And those who share a common energy will be drawn to you. If someone likes to gossip, they will find that it doesn’t flow in conversations with you, they will feel uncomfortable gossiping to you. If someone constantly complains about everything around them, they will be put off by your optimism and blessed outlook of life. 

Like attracts like

Like attracts like in spirit and energy. This is very much unlike the laws of physics or is it chemistry that were taught us in school which state that opposites attract each other.

The bible even cautions in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

You see, to be yoked with light, become light; to be connected to righteousness, become righteous; to be partnered with people of a certain mindset, become of that mindset.

This is good news because now you don’t have be upset when things do not go right at work or even in personal relationships, spare yourself the stress and anxiety of trying to fix others. You have the power and ability to change things… simply by changing yourself.

I must say, this is not going to be easy… developing emotional strength and discipline takes hard work.

Regardless of how successful or grown we become, emotional issues are going to plague us. So learning how to better handle and process them can help improve the quality of our lives.

It helps to examine certain patterns in your life and to ask yourself why you continue to attract certain types of people or circumstances to yourself; then work on fixing the energetic or spiritual magnet from you that draws them to your space by becoming the better that you deserve and desire.

As you do this work, you will begin to feel great, at ease and more free as you develop within yourself. 

Keep working on yourself and trust that God will connect you to the right people. We are social beings; the right connections matter.

Then become conscious. And when the right people come along, quit criticizing and/or taking them for granted. 

“See the things that you want as already yours. Know that they will come to you at need. Then let them come. Don’t fret and worry about them. Don’t think about your lack of them. Think of them as yours, as belonging to you, as already in your possession.” – Robert Collier

If you need more help in this area of working on you, email your question to [email protected]


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